A Breath Before Surfacing - Death is Swallowed in Victory

I crack my knuckles and let out a sigh
The rain falls
My face tilted towards the sky
You must be insane if you think I have forgotten
Not a night goes by that I don’t reflect
I’ll admit that not every memory is clear
But I don’t consider that a bad thing
I can’t remember your voice
It’s lost to me
Everyday I see your face
It’s a part of me
I am not alone
You have shown me the way
The way not to be if I want to do more than watch TV
How does it feel to be taken down a notch?
Don’t get me wrong, I miss you
I’m just not sure how much
The tears are welling up in anger
For all the things you didn’t do to stop the inevitable
Everyone saw it coming
Everyone but you
Bastard - I’ll forever be
This name that I bear is not of my own
The rain can’t wash away the shame though it is soothing
There’s no avoiding that I reap what you’ve sewn
I stand before you today
Not a scholar nor a picture of perfect health
How am I to teach my unborn son to be a man when I have never learned myself?